Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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