i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
