so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
