On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
