why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize