I wish I could punch you in the face.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
soo... how was my night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
