I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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