I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
