Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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