bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize