Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
third nipple confirmed
my poor anus
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
