I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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