It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
