gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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