my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
