Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
