there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
