I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
