Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
