can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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