Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
