Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
