508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
