um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
