i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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