What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
