I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
