she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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