nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
