yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
