I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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