Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
