It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
