ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize