If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize