You just made me feel so damn special
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
