I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
