don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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