before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
