Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
