I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
