You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
