That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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