He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
