I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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