ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
