I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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