my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i believe in u and ur pee
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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