He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
