Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
