Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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