whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
