I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
bring money and cleavage
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
