So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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