You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
