I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
