You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
