I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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