so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
