I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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