I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
