literally had 100 drinks last night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
