dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
