I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
